I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
