Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize