i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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