That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
