Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
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