i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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