I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
