I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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