I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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