Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize