I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
