i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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