Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Four minutes until I can fart!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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