I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
