Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
