So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
