I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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