I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
