Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sorry my hands just texted you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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