I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
