Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
