I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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