Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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