He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
