not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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