I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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