It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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