ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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