It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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