Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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