I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
