I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
