Non-Jews are for practice
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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