This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
