If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Randomize
