I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
