I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
