I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
