He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
