So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
