its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
