just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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