I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
