I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
