Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just google imaged poop.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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