no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
