i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
