Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize