I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
