Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
