So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
