You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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