i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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