I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
