I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize