If that was your dad, he is hot
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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