I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
