lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
