you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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