Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
