The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
