If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
