today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
