I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
