3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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