dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
