Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
