i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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