The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
