I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize