I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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