you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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