My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
