I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
