Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and she was petting her beer can
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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