I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How naked do you want me to be?
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