there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
