hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
