Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
